He is a 12-year-old blue merle Australian shepherd. He is my friend, my constant companion, my confidant, and my soul mate! We have been together since he was nine weeks old and there is an extremely strong bond between us. This bond has existed from the very start of our relationship. When I first saw him there was an understanding between us that I had to choose him over his litter-mates. He exuded "canine charisma". Intelligence and puppy curiosity emanated from his bright little eyes (one blue and one brown). My other two dogs immediately accepted Darwin. I slept on the floor with him the first few nights so he wouldn't miss his brothers and sisters too much. It helped to seal the bond. We became a pack!
     Darwin was a fast learner when it came to house training and obedience work  He was dedicated to pleasing me. Though strong willed and sometimes stubborn, he always senses exactly what I want and expect of him. He knows that I am the alpha. It has always seemed to me that he could read my mind – always alert and watching me – and he often knows what I am going to do before I have a chance to do it. His presence in my life is one of my anchors. He is my most intimate companion, a comfort and a joy to watch as he is playing and running and having a wonderful time doing dog things.
     Though I have a strong bond with all my dogs, the one that Darwin and I have is especially so. We communicate. It is a wordless bond. Words are not necessary. It is almost like we read each other's thoughts. If I am tired, upset or stressed out, he will come over to me and just lay his head on my leg. My spontaneous reaction is to start petting him and telling him what is wrong. He listens. I know he understands and I almost always feel better after this interaction. And he can also communicate to me when something is wrong or that he needs something. When he wants to be close, he positions his head right over my lap and looks up at me with that particularly earnest expression of expectancy. When I start to pet him he just melts into me, and his expression changes to, "Thanks, that is exactly what I needed!" We understand each other almost perfectly. Time to go out for a run or to play ball? He lets me know by bringing me his ball or getting that joyous gleam in his eyes and furiously wagging his tail (unlike many Aussies, he still has his beautiful tail). Something great has happened to me that day? He knows about it right away and "celebrates" the way that dogs do.
     Though he is not one of these dependent "Velcro dogs" who never leaves your side, he almost always knows where I am, whether we are in the house or out for a run together. But he allows me to be the human that I am and I allow him to be the dog that he is! And because of that, sometimes we don't understand each other at all or we misunderstand some signal one of us is giving the other. We always manage to work it out. It makes life interesting. It is all a part of the mysterious and altogether wonderful human/animal relationship.
     I somehow don't feel complete without Darwin around. Even when surrounded by many other dogs (as when I volunteer at Best Friends Animal Sanctuary in Utah or in the company of just my other dogs), I think about Darwin and how much I miss him. I wonder if he misses me. He is, after all, also a very sociable dog who loves people, other dogs and making new friends (he always attends the Humane Education classes I teach for children and looks forward to each time he can "go see the kids"). Does he think about me when we are apart or can he, as dogs do, take pleasure in the here and now and the heck with everything else? But I know, when I return home, that he has perhaps been wondering why I wasn't around for a while. His joyous greeting makes me feel totally loved and as if all's right with the world again.
     Those who have never loved a dog can't seem to understand this bond.  “After all," they say, "It is just a dog!" They cannot comprehend the unquestioning love and loyalty that Darwin gives me. They cannot understand what it is like to return the love of such a being, to be in the company of one who greets each day with anticipation and a very positive zest for life. I feel sorry for these people, for they are missing a great deal.
     I have to admit that I am already dreading the time when Darwin and I will no longer be together as we are now. He is twelve years old and I know there will come a time when we will have to say goodbye. I don't even like to think about this because I know how hard it is going to be to go on without him. When a bond as strong as the one we have is broken it will be extremely painful. This profound grief at the loss of a beloved and special pet is something that many people can't understand. Those people are the ones who have never loved a dog, people who have missed something very special in their life. But right now he is here, he is my best boy, my handsome, loving, smart "son,” and the one I love most in this whole world. Each day with him is a gift. I know that he wakes up each morning full of life and love and the feeling of, “Wow, this is going to be some great day today. I wonder what cool things will come about!" He colors my life with this enthusiasm! My "colors" because of my Darwin are always bright, vibrant and very positive!

Author’s Note: I wrote this piece three years ago, and on June 18, 2003 I had to say goodbye to my beloved Darwin, the being I loved most in the entire world. He was 15 years and 3 months old. I have a gigantic hole in my heart, which will take a long time to heal. He was truly an extraordinary dog. In the last two weeks or so of his life, he rested always on the mat right by the dog door. This way he could go in and out more easily and not break his housetraining. I am sure that is what was in his mind. Also he was totally blind his last year and had lost most of his hearing, so he located himself in a place that was close to outside and close to the water bowl. Even with my three other wonderful dogs around me, I am going to miss Darwin terribly. I truly believe we were part of one soul. 

Copyright © 2003, by Eva Vichules
Evichules@aol.com
Printed with Permission of the Author

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