Social
Reactions to Loss |
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With an overwhelming sense of missing the person you’ve loved comes
the crushing awareness of all that you’ve lost. You’d give anything
to be together again, if only long enough to be relieved of your
loneliness and to be reassured that your loved one is still a part of
your life.
At other times you may feel a need for solitude. You’ll want to
be by yourself, to get away from other people and withdraw temporarily
from the pressures and decisions of daily life. This need to turn
inward, to reflect on your loss, to get in touch with your innermost
feelings is common
and not to be feared. In fact it can be a helpful time for you to find
your tears and figure out where you are going from here. Our culture isn’t comfortable with the subject of death, and few of us
know how to cope with the pain of loss and grief. We don’t permit or
encourage the free expression of sorrow.
Instead we learn to control our feelings and hide our pain so we
won’t disturb other people. As a child you may have learned that grief
is a taboo subject, that feelings should be buried, and that grieving
should be done alone. As an adult you may equate grieving with self
indulgence or self-pity. You may be too embarrassed or ashamed to let
your emotions show in front of others. You may feel isolated, different
and apart from everyone else, convinced that no one understands and you
must grieve alone. You may feel stunned at the normalcy of life around
you as people go about their business, totally unaware that your world
has stopped and your entire life has been turned upside down.
You may be reluctant to turn to others, either because you haven’t
learned to accept or ask for help, or because you’re afraid others
won’t know what to do with your feelings. If they’re unfamiliar with
the intensity and duration of grief or uncomfortable with the expression
of strong emotions, they may offer only meaningless platitudes or clichés,
change the subject or avoid you altogether. And there may be times when
you will feel hurt by such thoughtless, trivializing comments as It
was God’s will; I know how you feel; Life must go on;
Count your blessings; You must be strong for your children;
It could be worse; or At least s/he had a good life.
Some people you know may be done with your grieving long before you are,
expecting you to be “over it by now” or worrying that you’re
somehow “hanging on” to your grief. Uncomfortable with your strong
feelings, they may change the subject or avoid any mention of your loved
one’s name. Suggestions for
Coping with Loneliness and Isolation
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Copyright
© by Martha M. Tousley,
RN, MS, FT, DCC All
rights reserved |
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