| Loss of a beloved pet is difficult under any
circumstances, but it can be particularly so for older people, whose
most consistent experience at this stage of life is loss. By now they
have lost parents, spouses, siblings, children or close friends to
death. Their physical strength, stamina and mobility have lessened. With
retirement, their identity with a prior occupation is lost, along with
the usual routine and the opportunity for socialization in the
workplace. If they're living on a fixed income, even their former
standard of living is lost.
Feeling deprived of so much, it's not surprising that older folks
develop such meaningful relationships with - and become so attached to -
their pets. Such attachments are significant and enduring, and meet a
whole range of physical and emotional needs. Loving and caring for a pet
enables the elderly owner to
- feel productive, useful and needed
- engage more actively in life, as the pet depends on the owner for
food, water, exercise and medical care
- feel companionship and closeness with another, thereby feeling
secure, protected, supported and not alone
- be motivated toward better care of the self, out of a sense of
responsibility for the pet
- feel touched, both physically and emotionally
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have someone to talk to and communicate with
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feel loved unconditionally.
Until we recognize the significance of the animal in an elderly
person's life, we cannot appreciate the magnitude of the loss and the
intensity of the grief. A pet may be the only family an older person
has, and when the pet dies, there is no family left. There is no longer
a sense of being needed. There is no care to give. There is no warmth,
no affection, no touching, no companionship, no one to talk to, no one
to sleep with, no one to feel important to. The house is too empty, too
quiet, too lonely. There is no stimulus to keep going, to stay active,
to take care of oneself lest the pet be neglected - there is no
structure or meaning in the daily routine. If the pet had belonged to a
deceased spouse or had been a gift from someone now gone, the final
symbolic link to the deceased loved one is lost. If there is incomplete
resolution of past losses, this pet's death can trigger unresolved
grief. It can also trigger the realization that one's own health is
failing, or that the later days of one's own life are fast approaching.
If you know an older person who's facing the loss of a beloved
companion animal, what can you do to help? Here are some suggestions:
- Keep in mind that seniors may not be able to afford complicated
diagnostic and treatment procedures. When their companion animals
are sick or dying, they may be forced to make life and death
decisions based on finances - and they may need extra support and
understanding.
-
Older folks may be basing current decisions on outdated
information or prior bad experiences with veterinarians, pet death
or euthanasia. They may need encouragement to discuss their
questions and concerns more openly with their veterinarian. You
might offer to accompany your elderly friend or relative on such a
veterinary visit. Realize that older folks may need more time to
process and to comprehend what is said to them, especially if
they're upset - or hearing impaired. Ask that the veterinarian speak
slowly and clearly, repeat information if necessary, and write down
material that may be forgotten.
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Seniors may be more stoic and quiet in their grief, not as
comfortable as the younger generation in expressing feelings openly.
On the other hand, they may be more "seasoned" (older,
wiser and better able to cope) than we give them credit for. Rather
than assuming what your older friend needs, better to observe,
listen, and ask!
Sometimes elderly pet owners are concerned about what will happen
to their animals in the event that they themselves become ill, are
in an accident, are hospitalized or die. They may be fearful that
their pets will outlive their owners and will have no one to care
for them. Sadly these concerns can motivate euthanasia of an
otherwise healthy animal, or they can prevent seniors from getting
another pet after their loved one has died. But there are other
alternatives. Seniors can be encouraged to: 1) carry a wallet-sized
card with special instructions for pet care, listing the owner's
pets, where they are and who should care for them in case of an
emergency; 2) draft an estate provision that specifies where the pet
will go; or 3) make prior arrangements with friends or family
members for the pet's care. If the timing is appropriate and your
older friend or relative seems open to suggestions, s/he may
consider adopting an older pet, or providing foster (temporary) care
for shelter animals waiting for adoption.
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Be a patient, understanding listener. More than anything else,
seniors may just need someone to talk to honestly and openly about
their own feelings - about other pets or loved ones who have died in
the past, about earlier losses they've endured, about their own
failing health or aging, or even about their own dying.
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